First – thank you to all those who email now and then to check in with us.  I cannot tell you how proud it makes me to know that my girl had touched so many of you.

How are we?  We are coping.  As this month came upon me I looked at the calendar to realize our anniversary was here.  Can it be just three short years since that beautiful day?  I shall forever remember looking down the aisle to see that radiant smile with eyes only for me.  We had such a short time together and yet we packed a lifetime into those two years and some. 

The boys are doing as well as can be expected.  The little man is busy with all things summer and checks in with me each Satuday to see how I am doing.  He will be here the end of August for family camp but thus far has not asked to spend any time here with us.  He does well as long as he is not here in her space – then his world becomes all too big and he can’t handle it.

Our teen is working hard and planning a wedding – although not for another year or so but there are decisions to be made it seems.  He talks about caitlin often and misses her more than I can explain.  His father has attempted to contact him a few times and I have finally put my foot down and will file for a restraining order if need be.  Seems the existing one became null when caitlin left us. 

Me?  I ache with my need for her.  It’s funny, I always told myself that she needed me.  That I was the one who was strong and held this world together for the four of us but I find myself accepting that it was my girl who was the one I needed.  She was my world and I find it hard to fill the hole left by her absence.  But life goes on no matter how hard we try to ignore it.

Ben is struggling more than any of us I fear and he is failing daily.  He searches for her still and spends hours in her hammock or on her chair whimpering as he waits for her return.  He is truly in mourning and I am not sure he will be with us much longer.  He needs his girl as much as I do.

Mom is still in Ohio and I waffle daily as to whether or not to return there or stay here.  I will be going back next month for some family stuff and will evaluate then what to do. 

So how are we?  Coping in a world that is still far too dim but knowing that life goes on and so shall we.

Luke