My son is a most amazing person.  I have known this since his arrival here in my corner of the world.  He came in to the world on his own terms…in his own time…vocal from the moment his body felt that too cold air after months in his own personal jacuzzi.

The sweetest little boy you could imagine.  So even tempered with his father’s amazing green eyes and my sense of humor.  He had the best belly laughs back then.  He would lay on his back in the middle of my bed as the kitties pounced at his feet…and just chuckle with glee.

He was speaking in full sentences by 9 months and has not stopped talking since then.  Questions…oh my goodness….questions.  He would ask and if my response was – I don’t know – he would say ‘no really mom, you can tell me’ He has had a list of questions for God since he was about 3.  At that time they were oh so important questions like ‘ did He have Nintendo…cause Gram likes to play Nintendo’ (this after my mother had died) and ‘did He have to change His clothes everyday’

As he grew his questions for God became more difficult to answer and brought tears instead of smiles. ‘why did my dad hurt my mom’ ‘why did my dad walk away from me’ ‘why did my Doppa die before I got to meet him’ ‘why did Mike’s mom die’ ‘why do people hate people just cause they are different’ ‘why do people think I should not be friends with the kids from the reservation?’ ‘why did Chels break my heart’

I have kept a journal since the day I found out I was pregnant and now and again he and I will go down memory lane together.  Last night was one of those nights as we journaled about graduation week and where he goes from here.  I suppose at some point I might need to stop journaling for him…and let him go on his own…but does it need to be this week?

We are currently at Disney World.  My son, his best friend since Kindergarten, my husband and myself.  The boys have their own room and I have no doubt they have been up nearly all night the past two nights and are currently crashed out on their beds awaiting phone calls from their girls.  To watch my son in this most magical place is so much fun.  He may be 6′8″, have a goatee, a voice nearly as deep as Master’s and be quite sure he doesn’t need his mommy but he is such a little boy as he runs from ride to ride – and we have been on them all – or they have, those of us with pace makers must not ride.

When we return home he will join the ranks of the employed.  He is going to be a camp counselor at the camp he has gone to since the age of 7.  He loves it there and has said for years that this was his desire – to go there each summer for as long as he can.  He leaves on Thursday and is gone until the last day of August.

Then my baby boy becomes a college man.  He is going to the junior college here in town but will be living in the dorms.  Close enough that I won’t worry too much (honest…) yet enough independence that he can try it on for size.  He will after all be just 17…

So last night we read through the journal that I started the day he began High School…we laughed and cried and I heard lots of stories that I knew nothing about until then.  He whispered his dreams – for college and beyond.  For his girl L – the sweetest 15 year old you could ever meet.  For a family and a house of his own and a life that is so full. 

I miss the days when the whispers were about Power Rangers and the fact that he liked to play Barbies with Alisa even though the guys could never know…I miss the days when he would be aghast at the thought of kissing a girl – or wearing a suit and tie – or having to shave daily.

I miss those days but am so proud of who he is becoming.

I want so much to hold on to him and ask him to take his time…but it’s my job to give him wings and let him fly…just not tonight, okay?